Necessary Literature for When Fantasy and Reality Combine

Let’s face it, with the way things are going in the world today it’s only a matter of time before it happens. Eventually some brainiac scientist is going to create some nifty gadget that lets us bring all of our dreams to life, or even worse -- all of our roleplay adventures. That’s fine and dandy but what happens when we become the victim in someone else’s bad situation?

Never fear, my fellow gamers, for there is literature to help us! You won’t find these trusty volumes in any library or bookstore that you’ve ever visited before. Below is a sampling of titles to aid even the lowest-level mage in outlasting an inevitable catastrophe.

Recipes for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse
Now you might be wondering to yourself, “Why would I, someone whose alter-ego is a skilled chef, going to need this kind of book?” What good is it being a skilled chef if you can’t out and about to gather your ingredients? Or worse yet, to a stove on which to cook? With this book in your inventory, you’ll be dining on gourmet finger food sandwiches and undead haggis for as long as you have the willpower to behead zombies and harvest what’s left of their rotting flesh.

The Druid’s Guide to a Healthy Humgii - Keeping Him Fed and the Oceans Green
Everyone knows that feeding a one of these insatiable creatures results in polluting the ocean floor, but this handy-dandy guide reveals secrets for keeping the critter’s appetite under control without sacrificing the world’s supply of saltwater. With all the other drama that can happen when words collide, who needs to risk being enemied to the forests on top of it all?

Taming Your Teenager - Helm of Telepathy Instructions for Paranoid Parents
Is your daughter spending a little too much time in her room, wasting hours upon hours on telepathic conversation with the new satyr down the street? You no longer have to wonder if he’s telling her the size of his horns with this wonderful piece of headgear. Plop it on your noggin and from as close as right outside her door you can eavesdrop on entire conversations. The best part is, your know-it-all teenager has no way to tell when you’re outright spying.

Child Support - Helping Your Child Live with Racial Stereotype
Forget terms like African-American or Middle Easterner, because when fantasy and reality coalesce it’s going to open up a whole new set of problems. Let’s say your half-dwarf daughter hits puberty and finds her chin sporting a beard that rival’s Aunt Tilly’s. Forget shaving or waxing, because this trusty tome offers better advice. Bling it out, and teach her a bit of bi-racial heritage pride!

Alternate Lifestyles - A  Embracing Multiple Personalities
It doesn’t really matter if you’re a third year university student preparing to switch majors for the fourth time or a high school dropout working nights at the local convenience store, when fantasy meets reality everyone will have equal chance for fame and fortune. Unwilling to give up your current lifestyle and go for it? No worries! This is where alternative characters (also known as “alts”) are most convenient. Welcome to the world of living out your every last fantasy without ever having to accept the consequences or repercussions that follow.

This is just a sampling of literature available should your roleplay adventures and real life ever combine. No longer will we be referred to in terms such as “geek”, “nerd”, “dweeb”, “goober”, or “weirdo”. Everyone who ever made fun of you for spending weekends LARPing in the park with your friends will find themselves on the short end of the stick. Like I said before, the way things are going in the world today it’s only a matter of time.

Written by Becky James as Penelope Swain.

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