Lost Word of the Day - Varmint

varmint - pest, bothersome person or animal

As many people know, I'm married to a firefighter. Last night I stopped by the firehouse on my way home to drop off a box of ice cream sandwiches for the crew. We had a nice little visit, and then I headed home.

The drive home involved a winding mountain road. Considering where I live, that comes as no surprise. It looks kind of like this:

So you can imagine what it's like at night. There was one car ahead of me. I saw him tap his brakes and thought nothing of it. There was plenty of space between us. But then my headlights fell upon a horrible sight.

There was a raccoon lying in the road, his pelvic region crushed by the car ahead of me. I panicked, and swerved trying to miss him. There were no other cars on the road. I was sure I'd missed him...but KERFLUMP. I'd run over his poor little head.

Rest in peace, little varmint.

Lost Word of the Day - Orotund

Orotund ADJ (1) Pompous or bombastic.
             (2) Characterized by fullness,
                 clarity and strength of sound.The emperor Hadrian had a lifelong fondness for the most orotund and pretentious of historians.

I had stuff to write but upon seeing the word "bombastic" couldn't get the tune out of my head. So here's a little Beanbastic amusement to brighten your weekend. Enjoy!

Lost Word of the Day - Pleonasm

pleonasm - use of unnecessary or redundant words, e.g. "see with one's own eyes" 

I am guilty of pleonasm. When I only have 400 words written and my client is asking for 650, they're going to get a couple of "very"s and an "a lot" or two. I know it's very high school'ish of me to take that approach, but this is mostly limited to content that will likely never be read by humans. It's just word fodder to make Google put a certain web page at the top of the list in its search results. This process is called SEO.

SEO stands for "Search Engine Optimization" and is the process of building web traffic from natural listings on search engines. This means if you search for pink nail polish your result will probably look something like this:

As you can see, the words PINK, NAIL, and POLISH are highlighted all over the page. This means Google derived its results and ranked them based on what it considers most relevant on that page to the user. So websites that effectively use the term "pink nail polish" (or something close to that) in the text on their page will rank higher than ones that don't. Why is this important? Because it helps to eliminate the need for paid adverting. Here's a video that explains it pretty well.

Don't you feel smarter? And now you know a little more about what I do in my job as a writer.

My Friend Rachel Writes, Too!

And she guest blogged here: How To Have A Positive Attitude in 4 Simple Steps.

I met Rachel in a game. Recognizing each other for the cool people that we truly are, we at once became friends. And then I found out that she enjoys things like Dance Moms, creating art from things headed to the trash, and painting her nails.

Stay tuned -- hopefully she'll be guest blogging here one day, too!

Lost Word of the ... What? 500 Page Views?!

And none of them were mine! I'm pretty chuffed about this. (But I'm also pretty hungry, so I'm going to try and keep this short. I tend to ramble, and I also have ADD, so it could really go either way.)

Here are some lost words that have to do with food:

• Abligurition - Excessive spending on food and drink, like last month when my family of four spent $160 on a Seafood dinner, knowing that one of the four wasn't going to eat hardly anything on the buffet and the other was limited to prime rib and mac & cheese, due to being allergic to seafood. (But you can bet your bottom that I ate my weight in prime rib and mac & cheese and got my money's worth!)
• Cleptobiosis - The act of plundering food. One time when I was dirt poor, young, and stupid my roommate and I went into a restaurant because we were still several hours from home and very, very hungry. We'd mismanaged our vacation money and I was GOING TO DIE if I did not get some food. So we went into a restaurant where she assured me that she "had it covered". When time came to pay, she told me to go out to the car because she had to go to the rest room. When she got to the car she sped out of the parking lot and didn't admit until way up the highway that she walked out without paying. I was paranoid for weeks afterwards.
• Farctate - This sounds almost dirty. It means being stuffed with food, or overeating. Last week while in North Carolina we picked up some pork barbecue. Whatever was left we froze and brought home. I just microwaved it. It smells wonderful. I'll have a difficult time not farctating through lunch.

Don't you feel smarter now? And for those of you who love barbecue, we went to a place called Frontier BBQ in Banner Elk, NC. It's not cheap, but it's very, very tasty.

Lost Word of the Day - Zoon

zoon 

1864, from Gk. zoion “animal”

There is a nasty, horrible, vile animal hanging around our front porch. Between the animal and the pollen, my allergies are giving me fits. I'm hoping if we refuse to feed it that it will just move on to someone else's house.

Gideon, our 100+ pound chocolate lab was the first to notice it. Through his canine barking, he told us exactly what was on the front porch, and said it looked like this:

However, what awaited us looked more like this:

Proof that all men exaggerate, regardless of their species.

Lost Word of the Day - Yelve

yelve	n	1000 -1886
dung-fork; garden-fork; to use such a fork
With her yelve and hoe never far from hand, she grew her crops the old-fashioned way.

When I saw today's lost word I was reminded of one of my all-time favorite gardening forum websites. It's called Garden Junk, and it's pretty amazing. People show off creations where they've used everything from bowling balls to bathtubs to spruce up their yards. Oh yeah, this goes beyond my brother's first ex-wife planting pansies in the old toilet he failed to remove from the front lawn after completing some home repairs. These people are a weird mix of innovation and idiosyncratic. Here are some of the ones that caught my eye.

This is an angel, meant to go on a cemetery plot. The junk artist has this to say about it:

Hopefully her wings [made from a ceiling light panel] will stay on. The GE II [adhesive] is seeming kind of iffy. I have it lightly wired, but doubtful it's strong enough to hold them. She has a solar light in her chest as well :o) There is a white vase inside the clear vase base. I have a piece of rebar that will go inside of it and be set in a container of concrete that goes inside of the marble vase in the headstone. That way she shouldn't fall over. 

Maybe it's because I haven't seen it glowing, but I'm without words at the moment.

My younger son has a pair of cowboy boots that hurt his feet. Like a bad, codependent relationship that's hard to walk away from, his boots cause him nothing but pain and agony every time he wears them for more than an hour or so. I'd love to do this with them.

This person kills me. Those glass insulators could sell for anywhere from $30 - 45 each on eBay.

I've seen a lot of crazy bowling ball art in my time, but this one puts a whole new spin on it.

This next one kind of makes me want to apologize to my husband for ever wanting to try this years ago. Thankfully blue bottles were difficult to find at the time (unlike they are now -- thanks, Budweiser!) and my short attention span was directed to something else before the project could ever get off the ground.

We actually made these and gave them to my mom and mother-in-law one year for Mother's Day. My mother-in-law still has hers hanging from the dogwood tree in the back yard of her upscale townhouse located not too far from Dulles International Airport near Washington, D.C. Every time we visit and the patio door in her kitchen is open, we're treated with the soothing tones of what sounds like a very expensive set of wind chimes that, in reality, cost next to nothing to make from scratch.

Know what this next one is? No really, guess. Look closely at the lovely mosaic below. Still no clue? It's the West Virginia State Flower -- otherwise known as a satellite dish! That's right. Someone turned it into a really large birdbath to go beneath the condensation line on their A/C unit. In my yard, it would double as a mosquito breeding ground. (Please, do not leave me messages on how to solve the problem of mosquitoes breeding. It's easier to just not keep stagnant water around the house whenever possible.)

A bedpan wind chime is something that I will likely never, ever put in my yard. While in its own way it is a step up from planting flowers in a toilet, every time the wind clanked the chimes together I'd be tempted to say, "That sounds like crap!" and then giggle at my own pun.

Here's a coffee pot person. People usually stack up glass dishes, glue them together, and stick them in their yard as a kind of ornamental totem. I could never do this, as things that are breakable often get broken in a house of boys. As "art" this coffee pot person is more creative than just gluing dishes together and sticking it in a flower bed.

And last but not certainly not least, a silverware dragonfly for my friend Dawn. This one actually makes me want to go to the local thrift store and waste the afternoon playing with old silverware. I could see it as part of a set of wind chimes. Oh, the possibilities!

Hopefully the weather in wherever you are reading this is as gorgeous as the lovely spring morning I'm enjoying as I write it. There are certainly no April Showers in the forecast for me today. Maybe I'll have to mosey on over to the thrift store so I can begin creating some junk for my own gardens.

Lost Word of the Day - Xanthic

xan·thic

adjective

1.

of or pertaining to a yellow or yellowish color.

2.

Chemistry . of or derived from xanthine or xanthic acid.

I spent twenty minutes trying to think of something to write, and then another hour or so coming up with this instead.

Xanthic Room Design by beckythemom

Lost Word of the Day - Weequashing

weequashing	n	1888 -1902
spearing of fish or eels by torchlight from canoes
The Scouts went out weequashing, but they forgot to obtain the proper permit.

This one made me giggle because I pictured my boys trying something like this.

It's times like this that I'm glad they're not fans of the blog. In other news, today the oldest is going out driving for the first time ever, and then going to pick up his fishing license. I will not be joining him, as I need a stiff drink or two (or four, or seven) just to imagine him behind the wheel of a car. It's just yesterday that he was learning to crawl, darn it!

Lost Word of the Day - Vampirarchy

vampirarchy	n	1823 -1823
set of rulers comparable to vampires
Some believe that we are secretly ruled by the Illuminati or a similar vampirarchy.

I believe today's accompanying media speaks for the lost word quite nicely. The movie looks really good. I just finished the book while on vacation last week. Where I expected to read the novel, "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" with a certain amount of face palming and bitter disappointment, I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of genuine, wry amusement.

Lost Word of the Day - Umbel

umbel a cluster of flowers growing from a single stem, as in hemlock or parsley

Azaleas are another flowering bush that grows blooms in clusters. The ones growing in front of my house are currently hot pink. However, by the end of the summer the plants will hopefully be gone so we can rebuild a retaining wall. If not for the fact that my car will be parked next to whatever's planted at the base of the new wall, I'd replace the azaleas with these.

Weeping cherry trees have been a long-time favorite of mine, but there's no way I would survive an annual springtime shower of pale pink petals sticking to my very red car. So my next choice is the hydrangea. They're full. They grow in a cluster of blossoms, a feature that I love. And they come in shades of pink!

See? They're just gorgeous. The problem is that one wrong move and the inevitable happens and ruins them for the landscape of my front lawn. For those of you unfamiliar with the hydrangea, here's a visual to help.

That's right. They turn a dreadful shade of blue, which isn't pink at all. While my male dominant household would love this, I'll have to keep a check on the acidic value of the soil to ensure that my preciouses, once planted, do not befall this horrible fate.

Lost Word of the Day - Tarn

A tarn is a mountain lake or pool, formed in a cirque excavated by a glacier. A cirque (from a French word for "arena") is an amphitheatre-like valley head, formed at the head of a valley glacier by erosion.

Having spent the better part of the week in the mountains, we've seen plenty of pools and lakes. I'm pretty sure they weren't formed at the head of a valley glacier by erosion, but they were still pretty neat. One of the local spots is Bass Lake, near Blowing Rock, NC.

Isn't that gorgeous? Here's a little history about Blowing Rock, NC.

The town of Blowing Rock takes its name from an unusual rock formation which juts over 1,500 feet (460 m) above the Johns River gorge. Due to the rock's shape and size, wind currents from the gorge often blow vertically, causing light objects to float upwards into the sky.
The Blowing Rock area was once fought over by the Cherokee and Catawba Native American tribes. According to legend, two lovers - one from each tribe - were walking near the rocks when the man received a notice to report to his village and go into battle. When his lover urged him to stay with her, he became so distraught that he threw himself off the blowing rock into the gorge. The woman prayed to the Great Spirit to return her lover, and the Spirit complied by sending a gust of wind which blew the man back up the cliff and landed him safely on the blowing rock itself. This story of course is fictional but it was used as a draw for the attraction. In the 1980s, a billboard in Wilkesboro for Blowing Rock showed two Indians holding hands, one standing on the rock and one "floating". Today "The Blowing Rock" is a tourist attraction and is known for its superb views of the surrounding Blue Ridge Mountains.

Here's a picture of the observation deck at Blowing Rock. Sadly, we only drove up to the front of the building. The boys were bickering, I'd had no coffee for four days and my nerves were shot, and the husband was being, "I'm having a panic attack! OMG! No wait, it's just a hot flash," again so we skipped the actual walk out onto the observation deck. Under the circumstances, it seemed the safer option lest someone overhear me threatening to throw people over the side.

And this is a picture of Grandfather Mountain, which was pretty much across the street from where we stayed. Several mornings it was partially enshrouded in clouds. As if you couldn't tell, it resembles the profile of an elderly man looking into the sky. It's the second-highest peak east of the Mississippi River, about a mile up. If you're active and willing to brave the hike, plan about three hours to get to the top. Pack a lunch, but be careful because there are bears.

This is one of the bears from Grandfather Mountain, a twenty year old who arrived at the mountain 17 years ago. There's a whole story about her, and you can adopt her! That's right. you can adopt Gerry or one of her other friends. There aren't just bears, but there are also cougars, otters, deer, et cetera. I hear they make great gifts for the person who has everything.

Lost Word of the Day - Sagittipotent

sagittipotent	adj	1656 -1656
having great ability in archery
The sagittipotent hunter found himself unable to kill the beautiful white stag.

In honor of today's word, a list of seven sagittipotent women.

• Katniss, from The Hunger Games.
  
  
  
• Merida, from Disney's Brave
  
  
  
• Lykopis, an Amazon woman whose name means "She-Wolf"
  
  
  
• Guinevere, from the 2004 film, King Arthur
  
  
  
• Mulan, from the Disney film by the same name
  


• Gwyn, from Princess of Thieves
  
  
  
• Sheena, from Jungle Comics fame
  

Many thanks to my husband for suggesting Sheena, who I'd completely forgotten about while composing the list.

Lost Word of the Day - Ruricolous

ruricolous	adj	1730 -1858
living in the country or in fields
Though the city has its attractions, I much prefer the quiet ruricolous life.

Right now I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountain area of North Carolina. The resort is at a rather ruricolous location. It's twenty minutes to the nearest town with a Walmart. I never, ever, not in a million years thought I'd be happy to see a Walmart, much less go into one.

I'd started this heartfelt monologue about how despite how bored I am on this trip, life has shown me a multitude of blessings, yadda yadda. But then my husband began bemoaning about how he thinks he's having a hot flash. Seriously? I cannot concentrate when he does this.

And now he's off to waft the smell of freshly cooked bacon under the noses of our two sleeping teenagers to wake them up. Despite all its boring qualities, and the rain, and the fact that we're miles and miles from anywhere or anything else, this trip, for the most part, has been anything but dull.

Lost Word of the Day - Quaternion

Quaternion - Guard of 4 men. 
Acts 12 ⁴And when he had apprehended him, he put him in prison, and delivered him to four quaternions of soldiers to keep him; intending after Easter to bring him forth to the people.

When looking for something clever to write about regarding the above lost word of the day, Google directed me to adult trouser guards. AKA - adult diapers. This made me giggle.

Last summer in our quest to do as much as possible for the low, low price of FREE my family signed up for all kinds of free samples. And when we were offered adult diaper samples we said sure -- and promptly sent them to my father. Needless to say, he was royally pissed. (Pun totally intended.)

My mother promptly (and rather sarcastically) thanked me for the hissy fit that my dad pitched upon pulling the package from the mailbox. Apparently he was not quite appreciative as we'd anticipated. I'm guessing he probably wasn't fond of the hair replacement, AARP, or motorized scooter literature, either.

In my defense, I was just trying to help. He was turning 60! That's a milestone birthday. Some men don't even make it to age 60, so it was more like "Congratulations!" than an effort to rub it in about his birthday.

When he finally brought the incident of receiving the adult diapers up in conversation, I managed not to giggle. I looked him in the eye and, mustering all the sympathy I possessed, said the only thing that I could think to say about the situation. I blamed my brother.

Lost Word of the Day - Ponask

ponask	v	1922 -1963
to cook game by splitting it and roasting it on a spit
We ponasked the freshly-caught pheasant at our campsite.

My boys would love to cook game by roasting it on a spit. However, they're going to have to settle for hot dogs and burgers on the grill. If I can convince myself that the smell of our dinner won't cause us to become dinner for the bears and mountain lions. This is the last time I vacation in the mountains. Give me the threat of sharks at the beach any day of the week. At least I know they're contained to the stinkin' ocean.

Lost Word of the Day - Oporopolist

oporopolist	n	1671 -1725
fruit-seller
Our opropolist's oranges often offer odd odours.

Our local oporopolist sells golden delicious apples. If you've never heard of them, then I suggest you read the Wikipedia entry about how they came to exist. It's West Virginia's state fruit, and pretty famous in its own right. First held in 1972, the Golden Delicious Festival is annually hosted in Clay County, West Virginia.

Other apples, like the Grimes Golden, also originated in West Virginia. But none is so famous than the Golden Delicious. My husband and younger son prefer Gala and my oldest son is a big fan of the Granny Smith. I'll take a Golden Delicious any day over those or any other varieties.

The Golden Delicious sucks for making pies. It gets too soft and squishy. Try it in a cobbler and you'll get mush. Because it's really juicy and has a naturally sweet flavor, it makes a great apple juice or cider. And perfect for making sugar-free applesauce or apple butter. It works okay in fruit salads as long as you're eating them that same day. This variety is soft and prone to bruising easily.

The Golden Delicious is best when plucked straight of the tree in the afternoon when it's had a few hours of the sun's warmth. When your teeth sink through the peel, the juice pours into your mouth. It's not quite as crunchy as a red delicious and because if all the juice it retains will fell much heavier than other varieties when ripe.

If you're shopping for golden delicious apples, avoid dark spots or soft places, as it's a sign of bruising. Some spotting is normal, as with other "yellow" varieties, but it shouldn't have anything larger than a pencil point. Skip any that have wrinkles on the peeling - it means they were kept too long in cold storage or not kept cool enough during storage. If the stem end of the apple has scabbing or the overall color is more bronze than yellow, don't buy it.

The perfect Golden Delicious apple will feel heavy in your hand. The peel might range from pale green to creamy yellow in color. If it's had the experience of warm afternoons and cool evenings, it may even display a slight blush across the top of one side. The texture of the skin will be firm, clear, and smooth. And the taste will be incredibly sweet.

So if you're in West Virginia during the autumn months and looking for a healthy snack, try a Golden Delicious Apple. These aren't the "yellow delicious" marketed by some fruit sellers. Insist on the state's finest variety of apple, and you won't be disappointed.

Lost Word of the Day - Nerterology

nerterology	n	1800 -1800
learning relating to the dead or the underworld
Her inquiries into nerterology were inspired by a youthful visit to a medieval crypt.

When I first read this, I thought it said neuter-ology. Boy if that didn't give the sentence above an entirely different context.

Lost Word of the Day - Molrowing

molrowing	n	1860 -1896
caterwauling; cavorting with prostitutes
Her son is a molrowing vagabond without any social graces, much to her shame.

This show is one of my new favorites, and let me tell you, there is much molrowing to be had. Usually I don't care much for television that has excessive violence, nudity, or sex. The HBO series "Deadwood" was one exception, several years ago. Game of Thrones is another one. My husband is as hooked as I am. It's now our "Sunday night thing" to hang out and watch the new episode. He's even stopped shaking his head when I call Sean Bean "Boromir" (from his role in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings) instead of "Ned" which is who he plays in this series.

The biggest obstacle is to not talk much about it in front of our two teenage sons, and downplay it if the topic does come up. Because while I'm saying, "Oh? That show? It's okay." On the inside, I'm like, "OMG IT'S SO AWESOME!!!!!!! YOU WOULD LOVE IT!" And they would love it -- but I won't let them watch anything with sex or nudity so they're just going to have to miss out for now.

They killed off several main characters at the end of the first season. Who does that? Game of Thrones. That's who does that. See that phrase on the promotional poster, "an epic new series"? They're not giving themselves nearly enough credit. It's much, much better than the term "epic" implies on its own. You might think I'm exaggerating, and I would have too if I hadn't seen it. I would've thought that 2 - 3 episodes into the series.

If you haven't seen Game of Thrones, then look it up on something like HuluPlus or Xfinity OnDemand. If the first couple of episodes aren't your thing, don't give up. Stick with the series. By the end of the first season, your jaw will hurt from repeatedly dropping open in shock.

Lost Word of the Day - Latibule

latibule	n	1623 -1691
hiding place
The girl emerged triumphantly from her latibule, only to find her friends had already left.

My hiding place is Beans. I can sequester for hours with my laptop, enjoying an iced tea or a cappuccino in a relaxed atmosphere of trendy music and eclectic style as I work the day away. For those of you who've never enjoyed the experience, here's a picture:

They have a full coffee bar, delicious lunch and dessert menu, and recently added spirits and an assortment of gluten-free items, handy for people like my friend Dawn who is allergic to more stuff than me. Beans in the Belfry currently hosts live music events. When the boys were younger, I'd take them there to listen to music while enjoying the "Make Your Own Smores" platter.

If you're in the area it's definitely worth a visit. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do. Maybe you'll even catch me hiding out there!

Lost Word of the Day - Kine

kine - cattle

Now, there really isn't much I have to say about kine except to include a bonus lost word of the day - pizzle. You might've heard of pizzle stick treats for dogs, made from steer pizzle. Do you know what a pizzle is? Sounds like an obscure term for a body part, right? Well, here's the definition.

Pizzle: To beat someone with a dried bull’s penis. Today you can still buy walking sticks made from dried bull penises, but in the past they were sometimes used for public floggings. It took some work before I could discover exactly what was happening when I read about Quakers being pizzled through the streets.

I'd go on about who on my Christmas list is in line to receive a special walking stick next year, but at the moment my mind is in the gutter and I'm giggling too much.

Lost Word of the Day - Jecorary

jecorary	adj	1684 -1684
of or relating to the liver
The alcoholic's refusal to seek treatment caused him no end of jecorary trouble.

Back in the early 1990s I had a little bit of a drinking problem. I'd start out my day with vodka and wind it down that night with whatever I could get my hands on that contained alcohol. At the time I thought it made me a more awesome person, but all it was doing was killing me - literally. While it wasn't yet affecting my liver, it was worsening my acid reflux. This is bad because I have something called Barrett's esophagus, which according to the Mayo Clinic is defined as:

Barrett's esophagus is a condition in which the cells of your lower esophagus become damaged, usually from repeated exposure to stomach acid. The damage causes changes to the color and composition of the esophagus cells.

There is neither treatment nor cure for this. Pretty much all they can do is monitor my acid reflux and scope my esophagus every couple of years to check for precancerous cells. For the past couple of years since my last scope, I've been self-treating my acid reflux. In a couple of weeks, my doctor plans to scope me to see how that's going. And because I'm now 40, I get the joy of having the other end scoped, too. Yay, for Demerol!

Originally I was looking for a different quote from "Yes, Dear" (one of my favorite sitcoms) to insert here, but A.D.D. kicked in. If you think about it, in a twisted way it's still kind of relevant. In case I'm the only one snickering at the unintentional pun, Jerry Van Dyke is too hysterical not to giggle at, so either way hopefully it gave you cause for chuckling.

Lost Word of the Day - Impigrity

impigrity	n	1623 -1721
quickness; speed
The impigrity of the contract's signing led to vexing legal wranglings.

Let us make haste, and travel to Wal-mart with impigrity for post-holiday clearance sales!

The chocolate bunnies await!

Lost Word of the Day - Halatinous

halatinous	adj	1886 -1886
saline; salty
The halatinous mist brought back memories of his childhood at the seashore.

Next year, I'd like a more halatinous Easter Sunday. Waking up in time for sunrise services would be a lot easier if I knew it was at an ocean locale. And to be perfectly honest, if I'd thought of it last night then I would have driven my family the 4-ish hours to the seashore to arrive in time, because that's how much I love the ocean.

Alas, it's just after 10:00 a.m. and everyone here is still asleep, save for my youngest son who is begrudgingly walking the dogs. (These kids...they're all...gimme an allowance. But then when asked to do something they whine and complain. Seriously? An allowance is not an entitlement. However, I digress.)

We don't do the Easter Bunny thing. We don't color eggs. This year, we didn't go to church. But if we had, we don't go out buying new Easter clothes. We're not heathens. We don't really do much of anything for Easter, at all, except spend time together as a family. For our family, it's never really been much about the bunny anyway.

For people who do go all out, buying new outfits, slaving away for hours over a ham dinner with all the trimmings, enjoying one egg hunt after another, that's cool, too -- for them. But for us it would be something more akin to torture at this point. We talked about waking up early and escaping to somewhere with no wifi but considering how we're doing something similar next Saturday, it seemed more prudent to save the gas money.

Wishing you and yours a very Happy Easter, however you spend it.

Lost Word of the Day - Gelicide

gelicide	n	1656 -1681
a frost
Unfortunately, the flowers were killed too soon by an early gelicide.

Sorry, I just worked the better part of 14 hours and so this is going to be a very lazy blog without a lot of wit or any kind of useful information. I'm headed to bed to curl up under my quilt, because they're calling for an Easter gelicide tonight.

Lost Word of the Day - Foppotee

foppotee	n	1663 -1663
simpleton
What a pitiful foppotee he was, always oblivious to our jeers!

I asked each of my boys separately, "If I asked you what a foppotee was, what would you think the word meant?"

The younger son asked for it to be used in a sentence, to which I replied: Do your home school work so you won't grow up to be a foppottee. He guessed the definition would be idiot. Close enough!

The older son, once wrestled away from the XBOX360 where he was catching up on Murder She Wrote via Netflix, also asked for it to be used in a sentence. I gave the same example. He guessed the definition would be stupid person. That works, too.

A lot of what we know of the English language comes from hearing the words used in proper context. It's not only important that we know what the words mean, but also how the right way to use them in a sentence. Reading is one way to help boost your overall comprehension of the English language. Another way is to surround yourself with people who are well-spoken.

Someone who is adept at public speaking is not the same as someone who is adept at writing. They're two completely different elements. By combining the two you have a greater chance at increasing your vocabulary, improving your reading comprehension, and if nothing else, sounding like you're smarter than you actually are.

Don't be a foppotee. Get off the internet and go read a book or something!

Lost Word of the Day - Epalpebrate

epalpebrate	adj	1884 -1884
lacking eyebrows
If you don't stop plucking, soon you'll be epalpabrate!

In my very large family, there are enough stories to be told that if someone related them to you one after another, they'd last for several months and you'd never hear the same twice. In one of these tales, a family member (not me...I'd actually admit to having done this one) shaved off her eyebrows and then drew them back in with a Sharpie. Oopsie.

Lost Word of the Day - Desarcinate

desarcinate	v	1656 -1736
to unload; to unburden
She haughtily ordered her butler to desarcinate her baggage from the car.

Let me desarcinate on all of you for a moment, about my love of reality television. Here are three of my favorites in no particular order:

Dance Moms - This show makes me happy that my sons don't care for dancing. The moms are catty and the teacher is unprofessional. In last night's spring mid-season finale the teacher, Abby Lee Miller, dramatically actually left in the middle of a competition. This was the result of two things. First, her pet dancer, Maddie, forgot her choreography in the middle of a performance. (Sorry, I didn't feel that bad for her. It showed that she's as human and imperfect as the rest of the girls in the group. And really, Chloe has a sweeter personality and is a more beautiful dancer anyway. Maddie is a lovely little girl but she comes across as a spoiled brat with a mom who's doing whatever it takes to make sure she stays teacher's pet.) Secondly, Abby Lee's arch-nemesis, The Candy Apples Dance Studio, beat out the group performance by one point, coming in 9th over Abby Lee's dancers who placed 10th.

Toddlers and Tiaras - For the longest time I thought this was called Toddlers In Tiaras and snickered thinking that its initials spelled out something naughty. This show makes me glad that I don't have kids in pageants. While pageants can be a great way to earn scholarship money, it will never equal what some of these moms put into their daughters' wardrobes of gaudy outfits and overpriced props. Honestly, if they kept their kids out of pageants and stuck that money into some savings bonds, they'd easily pay for their kid's college and probably someone else's kid, too.

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding - The more I watch the gypsy weddings, the more ready I am to pack up everything I own, move to England, and live the life of a British Gypsy. Have you SEEN their dresses? They make the pageant dresses on TaTs look like potato sacks. Seriously. They had one dress that...well, words don't do it justice. Here:

Yes, those are twinkling fairy lights under the dress. When I saw it, I was all, "OMG! HONEY! We have to get married again! I want that dress!" And my husband replied with something not fit to be repeated in public. But anyway, their weddings are just totally badass and if I hit lotto and disappear, don't go looking for me. I'm probably living it up with the gypsies.

P.S. @Dawn - There will be shoes. Oh yes, there will absolutely, positively be shoes. And you can bet that the shoes will be covered in all kinds of sparkly bling.

Lost Word of the Day - Cacatory

cacatory	adj	1684 -1753
accompanied by loose bowels
For the diners, the effects of the chicken cacciatore, alas, were cacatory.

Last weekend, my husband had the stomach flu. It was terrible. The worst part was, he does all the cooking! With my older son visiting his grandparents, my younger son and I were faced with only one realistic option. Even though we were totally sympathetic towards my husband's woeful state, we did the one logical thing we could think to do. We went out to lunch.

Lost Word of the Day - Brabeum

brabeum	n	1675 -1675
reward or prize
Without some brabeum, the students will have no incentive to work harder.

The numbers for the $640 million lottery were drawn, and like many others in America I was left without any sort of brabeum. But had I won the prize, this was the 5-step plan:

1. Pack up the bare necessities and only the most important mementos
2. Drive south'ish
3. Change my name
4. Buy a house near the ocean
5. Live happily ever after

If I manage to hit a lottery with any kind of substantial payout in the future, then nobody needs to feign surprise when I fall off the face of the earth because I announced it here, first. And now you know where to start looking for me when I do disappear.

If I can dream it, then I can do it. I've been dreaming this for several years now so really, it's only a matter of time.

Lost Word of the Day - Affictitious

So for the month of April, I'm going to toss out a different lost word every day. I'll go through the alphabet, and then after the 26th revisit the main list of Lost Words and pop in some random ones. Since today's the 1st, we'll start with a word that begins with A.

affictitious	adj	1656 -1656
feigned; counterfeit
The forger was caught despite his masterfully-crafted affictitious signatures.

I used to print out affictitious documents that made my car appear legal when it was not. These documents included, but were certainly not limited to, insurance papers, inspection stickers, registration cards, and license plate decals. Before you think that I was lucky for never being caught, I'll share that I was caught, numerous times. It's only by God's grace that I managed to talk myself out of a ticket -- or worse.

This topic came up a few months ago when my husband and I went to renew the tags on our vehicles. He remarked in surprise that we were both legal and on time for yet another year. And then he reminded me about how I used to just make us appear to be legal thanks to the magic of (my not-quite-legal copy of) Photoshop.

Fortunately the statute of limitations has long since expired for my past misdeeds. These days I am much more responsible. Almost grown-up, even. And it only took 40 years.